Feelings about infertility

Many people are devastated when they discover that the surgery, radiotherapy or chemotherapy treatment they need for their cancer will also mean they can no longer have any children. Infertility is very hard to come to terms with, especially if you were planning to have children in the future or to have more children to complete your family. The sense of loss can be very painful and distressing for people of all ages. Sometimes it can feel as though you have actually lost a part of yourself. You may feel less manly or less feminine because you can’t have children. Bodily changes, such as the menopause or inability to have an erection may undermine your self-confidence even more.
People vary in their reactions to the risk of infertility. Some people may come to terms with it more quickly and feel that dealing with the cancer is more important. Others may seem to accept the news calmly when they start treatment, and find that the impact doesn’t hit them until the treatment is over and they are sorting out their lives again.
There is no right or wrong way to react. You may want to discuss the risks and all your options with your doctor before you start treatment.
You may also need an opportunity to talk with a trained counsellor about any strong emotions which threaten to become too much for you. See our database for helpful organisations.
Your partner will also need special consideration in any discussions about fertility and future plans. You may both need to speak to a professional counsellor or therapist specialising in fertility problems. They can help you to come to terms with your situation.
Your doctor may be able to refer you to a specialist or you can be put in touch with one directly by contacting an organisation. The nurses at the Cancerbackup Cancer Support Service can discuss problems you may have and they can also help you to find a counsellor who can offer you help and advice.